Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Still dying that you shit outside
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
