I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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