Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
