Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
