when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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