yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
