my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
