He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
