Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
