You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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