oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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