end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
