We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
