My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
