video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i believe in u and ur pee
there is puke in my bra ... again
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