My cat gives me a boner
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
