And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
