is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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