We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
