There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
