Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
