stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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