I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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