Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
