Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just had sex on a roof
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
