Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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