did you get engaged???
Non-Jews are for practice
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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