roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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