yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
