and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
