WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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