i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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