Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize