my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you traded sex for a burrito?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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