whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
