Non-Jews are for practice
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
