man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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