maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
