the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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