they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
