you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
