hotel room ftw
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
