the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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