i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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