Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
