We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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