i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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