i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
