god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
