I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
