im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
