sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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