Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
