Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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