you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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