So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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