hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
