Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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