girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Shame is for Republicans.
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