You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
