i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
