you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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