imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
