I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
