i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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