To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
